AXE is Ridiculous

I think Lewis Black would like this post... In his one skit, he thinks we should create a presidential election that is more fair to the candidates. He suggests we should blindfold a monkey, have him throw a dart at a map of the United States and wherever that dart hit, they would drop that monkey from a plane over that location. After parachuting down, the monkey would grab the hand of the first person it saw. This is the new president of the United States.

Creative, but not as creative as AXE product names.

Let's read a list of their shower gels (found HERE):

Snake Peel
Boost
Kilo
Recovery
Vice
Touch
Smoothing
Purifying
Dark Temptation
Instinct

and my PERSONAL favorites,

Phoenix
Shock w/ Glacial Water + Deep Sea Mint
Fever w/ Brazilian Hot Mud + Red Dragonfruit Extract

I decided to investigate all the ridiculous AXE products because, sadly, mom got me Shock w/ Glacial Water + Sea Mint on sale at Rite Aid.

I want to know who the hell names these scents of body washes and how do I get the job???

I have a theory: AXE researchers create a scent. They give it to a group of guys that have been smoking pot or tripping on acid all day. They tell the researchers what it smells like to them, and if it sounds appealing, they market it.

Here is how I feel some of the conversations went:

Smell this (Phoenix): "Woa man... If like, I could meet a Phoenix and have Starbucks with him, I totally think this is what he would smell like..."

Smell this (Vice): "Totally... If I was going to kill a hooker and score some cocaine, this is totally what I would want to smell like..."

Smell this (Snake Peel): "Dude, this totally reminds me of like the inside of an anaconda. If I could crawl inside a python and steal his skin, this is what I would smell like man..."

Smell this (Shock): "This is AMAZING dude! I'm totally tripping out! It's like I'm frozen in a glacier with a caveman from a Scooby-Doo episode and Shaggy is rubbing mint leaves all over my skin!!!, WICKED!!!"

Dear AXE,
Your shower gel names are ridiculous.... and I totally want to be the guy that names them.
Love, Cody